“I was hoping to get a pap smear,” I probably
half-whispered. I don’t know who I had to hide this ‘secret’ from – the first
woman had been taken into a counselling room and the other has gone back
outside.
After checking in with the nurse on my details, I was
whisked into a tiny room mostly containing a huge table. The paint was coming
off the wall directly opposite the small chair between the table and the wall
that I had squished myself into. The nurse went to get my records. I fidgeted.
She came back and we went through my details because someone
who knows how many years ago didn’t fill in my allergies or family medical
history. After being weighed, the nurse checked my blood pressure as nurses
usually do.
“Your pressure is high,” she warned.
Here’s the thing here – I don’t know what that means. I see
the numbers on those fancy automatic arm squeezing blood pressure machines and
it’s just numbers to me. I never took biology. I don’t know what a good reading
looks like. My brain rattled off a couple of responses before the words fell
out of my mouth and all over the floor, desk and walls.
“Well, it is my first time getting a pap smear and I also
have test Thursday and a major postgrad assignment due Sunday and I still have
other work things to do including having to go into the office to do some
filming with some of my colleagues and my mother is away again which means the
house is kind of quiet but we use less electricity which is good but I guess oh
I don’t know I guess I am just feeling a little nervous I suppose maybe just a
little.”
Did I mention I get anxious? I get anxious. The nurse
acknowledges my ramblings but didn’t really seem to hear me, thank god. We go
back to filling out my records.
“Do you take any contraceptives?”
“Yes.”
We have a small aside about her confusion as to the brand,
make and model of the pills I take before continuing with her data entry.
“Why?”
“Sorry?”
“Why?”
“…um?”
I’m trying to come up with an answer that will lead to the
least amount of judgement. I’m torn between ‘I don’t really want children yet’,
‘I’m scared of pregnancy’, ‘I like making a regular period’, ‘I like spending
$20 every 4 weeks just for the heck of it’ and ‘because I can and I want and I
feel like it and maybe just because’.
“To delay pregnancy?”
“Yep. Yes. Mhm. That one.”
I don’t know if my face is red but I feel stupid.
No comments:
Post a Comment