This year I forgot to get sad. I usually get kinda weepy and down around Father's Day because, oh I don't know, I miss my dad and I get mad at the universe and I get cranky and sob and hide for a few days. I can't necessarily attribute it to some kind of overhaul of personality or reachign nirvana or anything. I think it was a collection of things though.
1. I had my dose of sadness the night before:
I get sad a lot. I mean, like, "it's the weekend and I don't want to go anywhere or do anything or see anyone because I'm sad as a bag of flaccid dicks after a cup of viagra." Of course, none of it makes sense - kind of like that sentence. I've been grappling a lot with dealing with the moods lately as they get a little bit more frequent and extreme (albeit shorter).
2. We did a thing... kinda:
It was a slow Sunday, but with no time to dwell. I woke up, I dicked around playing the Sims for a few hours, I napped, we went to lunch, we shopped, cooked, played WoW and slept. That was my "father's day". I guess.
3. We didnt go to the grave:
Sometimes people think its a thing to go to a place to remember someone, to get sad or to go say hi. Sometimes we stop by my father's grave to say hi, maybe drop off flowers, something like that - but not this year. I dont know quite what it is but I used to feel vaguely drawn to the grave, like I was supposed to go there or something. But as the years passed, I feel like Dad has kind of moved. He was the "Mr Gypsy Never Quite Settle" in my head almost - and I guess I dont look to a location to feel close to him. I dont know, it could all be just a lovely little concocted story to avoid going to the cemetary. Maybe.
4. Don't dwell - do something or drop it:
Im tired. Im tired of getting upset when I see Fathers Day advertising. Im tired of feeling sad that I "dont have a dad like everyone else does". There's no point to get angry or get sad or anything. All that stuff is neither here no there. There has to be more to life than constantly looking back at what you miss or what you had or even more than comparing what you have to what everyone else does. In the same vein I could be super bummed I dont have a beard like guys do - i dont, I just draw one on paper and cellotape it to my face or buy a stick on one when the fancy strikes me.
Either whichaway - Im either maturing or I got so lazy I forgot to think about my late Father this past Sunday. Both are fine because both mean I dont lose a whole day to being depressed all around the house I suppose.
