When you feel all pink inside

It's finally a new month. I say finally, but it feel like October just flew by. Between leaving FemLINK to try my hand at professional-style-y writing, looking after the Owl's thrown-out back and bodily ups and downs, there never seems to be enough time for anything.

That said, I made time to go with my grandmother to the final Pinktober event of the year (or so it was claimed). Held on the evening of the 31^st at the Tanoa Plaza Hotel, Westpac's fundraiser saw me way out of my comfort zone not just being in a room of strangers without my mother but also having to be the final act after the Minister for Women, Children and Poverty Alleviation and a survivor of cervical and breast cancer.

we did make the Sunday paper's front page though

How are those two an easy act to follow? One a speech of severity and sincerity and the other a raw set of truths. I had written out and printed what I wanted to say. I didn't want to rant or rattle on, I was told I had up to 10 minutes but I didn't want to bore people and I was incredibly nervous.

Breast cancer is serious business. It's not only a branch of the big C, but also something so incredibly personal to me and the rest of my family. I wanted to do it justice. My grandmother nudged me before my turn to speak. She had gone through my sheet of A4 and asked, “are you going to tell them about your mum and I for those who don't know?” I hadn't 100% thought about it.

I was so focused on separating myself from the issue because I was not a survivor of breast cancer myself. I didn't want to infringe on the experiences of others because, hey, that isn't how I am. But I did as my grandmother asked me because you just do what the matriarch says sometimes.

I spoke about how everything started in 2010 after my end of high school exams, how my mother had to raise funds to find our way overseas because radiation therapy isn't available here and how this works against the push for early detection (because without the treatment readily available, what's the point?). I also then spoke about my grandmother's relatively short journey. And then I read, adding a few things here and there to keep the tone a little light.

Today I speak on behalf of my mother and grandmother, survivors of breast cancer. I also speak for myself as someone who has seen, twice in my life, the journey a woman takes when she chooses life in the face of cancer.

There are many things a person experiences before, during and after breast cancer diagnosis. Theres the fear when you find a lump, the worry during the tests, the terror in the face of treatment, the exhaustion after medications and trips to hospitals, and then there is the relief once you are all done and through with the strenuous part of the journey. Then there is the frustration of adjustment after losing a breast when it comes to getting clothes to fit right or trying to find ones strength again.

I know pinktober is amazing. It forces people to think about something to integral to life. Something seemingly so obvious. Breasts. After a quick not so scientific estimation I have come to the conclusion that there is at least one breast per person in the world. Maybe more. Seven billion breasts so often hidden and considered shameful. Women are told to hide their cleavage, shove them is uncomfortable bras and sometimes are shamed if their breasts are too big or too small. But on the other hand we cannot ignore their importance. They feed children, theyre basically natural chest pillows for small people especially handy for hugs.

And as amazing as pinktober is, the investment of funds raised need to go where theyre needed most. To easing the frustration of adjustment, calming that fear or worry, easing the exhaustion – theres so much unsaid 11 other months of the year. So while I know tonight is about CWMs oncology ward, a place that needs all it can get, id at least like to leave one thing in everyones mind. Comfort. Its so so important.

It may be about feeling or seeming normal thus having access to bras with inserts, helping someone sleep after surgery with just the right kind of pillow, finding food that still tastes good or keeping mouth sores to a minimum. If its about all things that come before, like easy to understand pamphlets about what to expect and where to go for treatment, its something that could give that person peace of mind, a sense of comfort and certainty – it makes things infinitely better.

If theres one thing that we should be changing through awareness, its the perception choosing treatment. And when I say choose it is not the choice of the family or the husband or otherwise. At the end of the day, it is on the individual who finds that lump to get treatment. When treatment is feared, the lump will be left unchecked and left threatening her life. When treatment is misunderstood, it will not be sought out.

So lets do the 7 billion boobs out there a favour and not let anything that may have been done or shared this pinktober be forgotten. Thank you.

Im pretty sure there are still typos somewhere but hey, I was reading so I also saw half of it in the midst of all the stress. So that was pretty much my Friday. Speeching, being touched and thanked and so on (because apparently people need to touch your shoulder and shake your hand). Well, apart from then going out for Halloween for a few hours before going home exhausted after a day without a proper nap.

pictured: pokemon-persona hybrids

And highlight of everything? Surprising myself at how I didn't react violently when a very tipsy woman came up to me at the cocktail, ran her hands over Owl Abraham Lincoln and my new banyan tree and said “I love your tats!”. Thank you random woman. You have shown me that I can keep my cool in the face of sheer terror.