Guppy the Anti-Cat-Pressant.

I got a cat recently. I call him Guppy and he is my stand in for antidepressants. When I got him, it was drama, drama, crap-in-the-car.

Firstly, I was sad and let my mind wander. It wandered to the future I want. Sure, a place I could call my own with my partner. We've had conversations now about how we'd get a cat because then you'd have perfect out when you're exhausted at 2am and trying to get away from social situations (you may notice a lot of this has got to do with me and avoiding all the large scale social situations).

So, I thought to myself “why I don't I just get a cat now? I don't like going out and I don't like feeling alone”. So, via enabler the Fashionable Faraz I got a cat. I picked up a scrawny noodle of a cat dubbed “Kutu” but the SPCA staff. I was too polite to come up with a name at the time so he is registered as Kutu... yes, like the lice.

On the way to the office (where I intended to keep the cat until the end of the business day), Kutu/Guppy lost his shit. Literally. First we was freaking out because cars. Then it was “I NEED TO BE NEAR YOUR FACE FOR SOME REASON”. And then he was looking for hiding places and my heart sank. So I lifted him up so he wouldnt crap in my handbag and OH MY GOD DID THE CAT JUST FART HOLY BALLS HES CRAPPING EVERYWHERE.

It happened and it was all together glorious and awful at the same time. Faraz lost his sense and was laughing hysterically, tears in his eyes (from laughter or the smell? We'll never know). So I took the rest of the day to work from home (thank god for relatively flexible hours) and change into something that didn't previously contain a neat pile of cat poops.

So I became a cat lady from then on. I spend the weekend alone and running around – buying a litter tray, cat food, a little rug to go under the tray. Buying hangers to get my clothes off the floor so the cat wouldnt poop or sleep on it. All round just lining my life up with this cat I decided to adopt. He joined the ranks of the “indoor animals” that only include my brother while the other cat and our 3 dogs live outside.

Do I regret it? Sometimes. Sometimes I wish I had self control and didn't go out of my way on a weekday to bring a surrendered animal into my house... especially when he sits on my face or paws at my cheeks, mewling in hunger because I've basically turned him into a massive fatty.

But the rest of the time, we cries for hugs, paws at my face when Im in a good mood and sits with me when Im playing something at the PC. He curls up next to me at night and ninja-jumps at me when I get home. He had helped me practice patience. He has helped me manage my moods. He has helped me get up in the morning.

I love you Guppy, you stinky butt fatty.