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Tuesday, June 16, 2015

What colour?

I never realised how often we use labels. Trans, of colour, gay, straight, while, cis, etc etc etc. It made me wonder... why?

Don't get me wrong, I don't have an issue with labels. I wish that I had cool ones too. I just think they're wholly unnecessary to give (keyword here: GIVE) to people. Does that make sense? Maybe not yet but just hear me out:

Use a label to help you identify yourself in the crowd, or to someone you've been trying to wink at from across the room for like an hour now or something, if that's what you want. What I would hope is that labels aren't dished out because the cis, straight, vanilla's trying to figure out what is what and who is who.

That's we saying something as a cis, straight, vanilla... for all intents and purposes. It's funny because I was scrolling through social media and I wonder “what are my labels” and “would my labels be celebrated”?

I was never the kind to fly the halfcast flag because I didn't know my “other half” like everyone else seemed to. I felt out because I didn't look like the rest of that side of the family and I couldn't compensate with language. Ive never felt comfortable in my body but I know it's not a case of dysphoria. I don't have typically exciting hair, features, lilts in my accent or anything in particular. I like wearing pretty dresses and I like throwing on my raggedy pants and vests. I didn't like very many people so I was never all over the place and my hormones were mostly in check. I grew up knowing that I was a mix of this or that and the other but that whatever I felt, I was me.

Does “I dont like what my reproductive organs do to me on a regular basis” count as a part of my identity? “3 years and counting in a relationship and I want to marry him and avoid having babies as long as possible”? “I dress for comfort and context”? “I don't like hair removal because I cant stand how itchy the growing back is”? “Sure I love socialist principles but how do we make sure everyone actually contributes”? “I played a male character in an MMO because I didn't want awkward, special treatment female toons sometimes get”? What really is there to celebrate among my experiences as an all-purpose wholemeal flour kind of human?

From all my reading of people coming out, coming to terms, identifying with the past and present to determine the future – it's about the self, right?

It acts almost like a kind of justification. “I am the way I am because I am (blank)”. Insert label here... and that makes me angry. I get angry because people, maybe even those like me, fall nicely (more or less) into the box of the expected.

Never questioned, never had to explain why I am x, doing y or hanging out with z. I don't want to have blind privilege. I just want to do my part in whatever way I can so that the kids I may eventually have never have to worry about what their labels are.

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